Closer

For almost a month now, I have been downcast, guilty, ashamed and dispirited because of a series of wrong decisions I have made. I caved in to my weaknesses and the short-lived happiness made a permanent damage to myself and my relationship with God. I hurt myself and I compromised my ideals. I allowed myself to be a stumbling block to a child of God and in the process, hurt the person as well. Most of all, I hurt my Father - I disappointed Him so much I can feel Him crying.

Normal reaction to sin would be to dwell on it and the shame it brings will distance us from our God. This is exactly what happened to me and as I shunned God, I found myself sin more and more and farther and farther from God. This has affected everything in my life - I distanced myself from friends and community, the zest and passion for anything quickly melted away.

Three weeks passed and I'm so thankful that we have a Father who does not allow us to stray too far and too long. He opened His arms and welcomed me back through the message of Pastor Brett Fuller during the Convergence and through the message during the prophetic evening with Pastor Jim Laffoon. Through them, God reminded me that no one is perfect and even if I or God has high expectations from me, I am still human and I will make mistakes; I will sometimes fail and it's okay, I just have to pick myself up, repent and take responsibility.

I cannot beat myself up for failing, it will only prolong the process of self-pity and delay the things that I'm supposed to do for the Lord.    

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, 

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -

his good, pleasing and perfect will. 

(Romans 12:2 NIV)

I am also learning that the moment I catch myself sinning, I have to own it and run immediately to the Father through His word and prayer. This is the time to get closer to God and wrap myself in the comfort of His word and promises.

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?

By living according to your word.

(Psalm 119:9 NIV)

I have to acknowledge and declare the power of His word and His love because this will serve as my armor and protection from further sinning. 

How sweet are your words to my taste,

sweeter than honey to my mouth!

(Psalm 119:103 NIV)

Our Father is forgiving and He is gentle in forgiving His children. He loves us so much that He is glad when we realize our mistakes and come running back to Him. Despite me breaking His heart, I can expect that I will be welcomed with open arms and warm hugs because He loves me with all my inequities, selfishness, worldliness and shortcomings. 

I love those who love me,

and those who seek me find me.

(Proverbs 8:17 NIV)

This episode of falling has taught me to be closer to our Father, to seek Him more, to know Him more so that I can be more sensitive to His instructions and resist the temptations to sin. Being closer and knowing Him more means spending more quiet time with the Lord, reading the Bible and praying. I can be so busy at times helping others that I forget to feed myself the word of the Lord and I get weak, which makes me an easy target. I have to build my fort stronger so I can protect myself against attacks.   

I seek you with all my heart;

do not let me stray from your commands.

(Psalm 119:10 NIV)

Lastly, it is accepting and acting on the fact that I cannot fight temptations alone. I will never be able to control my desires and my actions no matter how motivated or determined I am. I cannot trust anyone to control their actions as well - My responsibility is to control my OWN actions through the grace of the Lord; stay away from compromising situations, run away and run to the Father.  

Submit yourselves, then, to God.

Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

(James 4:7 NIV)

Only the Father can give us great love, love that can satisfy us eternally. Hear His call, get closer and rest in His love - His everlasting love.

Closer

Your love has ravished my heart

And taken me over, taken me over

And all I want is to be

With You forever, with You forever

Pull me a little closer

Take me a little deeper

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart

‘Cause Your love is so much sweeter

Than anything I’ve tasted

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart

Your love has ravished my heart

And taken me over, taken me over

And all I want is to be

With You forever, with You forever

Pull me a little closer

Take me a little deeper

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart

‘Cause Your love is so much sweeter

Than anything I’ve tasted

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart

Ooh, Ooh how great your love is for me

Ooh, Ooh how great is your love

Pull me a little closer

Take me a little deeper

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart

‘Cause Your love is so much stronger

Than anything I’ve faced and

I want to know Your heart

I want to know Your heart